Monday, July 06, 2009

10 Things A Tourist Shouldn't Ask In Jerome

Unfortunately there is a reason toursists are called Tourons in Jerome. What is a Touron you ask? Well, simply it is a tourist who acts like a moron. A touron is a tourist who stops their car in the middle of the street to take a picture, oblivious to other people driving around. A touron walks around in the middle of the road on Main Street, again, oblivious to people trying to drive through. Tourons feel as if the whole town is a pretend community, like Disneyland and that nobody really lives here, they just work here and occupy the many homes on the side - only to return to their real homes at night.

So, with that said, there are ten questions that those who do work in Jerome, get really tired of having to answer. Maybe these ten questions apply to most tourist communities, but if you don't want to get on the bad side of the locals, try avoiding them. I will give you answers so that if you read this prior to visiting Jerome, you won't have to ask again.

They are:

1. Where is the bathroom? (Please, can't you read the signs. Public bathrooms are at the Jerome Co-op, as you enter town, and at the fire station, on the other end of town.)

2. What is there to do here? (Use your imagination. There are few paid tours in Jerome (one includes Haunted Tours of Jerome, otherwise, just walk around, enjoy the sites, dance at the Spirit Room, get something good to eat, watch the sun set, take pictures and there you have it)

3. Have you seen a ghost here, is it really haunted? (Most people have experienced ghosts, especially those who want to. Some people just make shit up for the sake of drawing tourists into their business. Believe what you want)

4. Where is the ghost town? (You are in it - it just so happens that the town that died came back to life - like Jesus or Lazarus. If you want to visit something a little more ghost towny, the Gold King Mine, outside of Jerome, past the fire station is a more like that - but it is replicated)

5. Why does everything close at 6 p.m. (People actually have lives who work and live in Jerome besides selling stuff)

6. Where is there a good place to eat? (People are going to refer you to their friend's restaurant - every place is good, so just pick one)

7. Does it snow here? (Most winters, yes - it is 5,000 feet up. Lately, with global warming, snow is fewer and further in between)

8. Is the whole town sliding down the hill? (If it were, we'd all be in Clarkdale by now. The sliding stopped when the mines stopped blowing up tunnels under the town - this was in the 20s or 30s)

9. Do you actually live here? (Many do, many live down the hill in Clarkdale or Cottonwood, a whole 4 to 6 miles away)

10. How many people live here? (Hard to tell as many have second homes in Jerome and others take in lots of borders who rent from them on the side so they can pay their huge mortgages. Jerome homes are expensive, despite their appearances.)

These questions seem simple enough - maybe I'm just one of those grouchy people who hates redundancy.

1 comment:

Big Nasty Brew said...

That's awesome! :) Got a good laugh out of it. I used to live and play NEAR Gatlinburg, TN. Same ole stuff there. But, I have of course been guilty of asking the dumb questions (while being aware of their absurdity, mind you).